he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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