Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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