Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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