it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
