how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
God, I missed his penis.
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