not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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