omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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