Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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