It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
