I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
