some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
