and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
