Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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