i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
