This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
