Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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