I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
