im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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