Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
