I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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