I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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