When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
