I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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