The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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