then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
