i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
