ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
