yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
