You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
