Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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