If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
