Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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