Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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