Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
