woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
