I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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