marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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