im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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