I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
