I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize