I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
