I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize