I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
