Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
