Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
