Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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