Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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