She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
