This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
