Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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