Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
