Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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