That's intense
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
