Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
