Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
