your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
