allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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