This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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