I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
