you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
