ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
