i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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