You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
