Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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