I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
