I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
