I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
