You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
