if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
