you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
