Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got chris browned last night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize