Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
